deliverance

I am seeking deliverance.

Deliverance from the mundane, the monotonous, the mediocre, the mire.  What I seek is deliverance from my own mind.

In the movie, The Matrix, Morpheus sought to free minds from the grip of the matrix, a false reality.  Jesus seeks to do the same.  He frees us from the constructed realities of our minds and reveals the truth.  But it is difficult for the mind to let go.  Like the Hebrews, sometimes I want to return to Egypt, to bondage.  My mind believes the shackles hold me, but in truth the shackles don’t exist. 

Milton wrote, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

If I can train my mind to see reality instead of the facade then no shackle can hold me, no force can deter me, and nothing can separate me from the love of Christ.  If I can grasp the depth of what it means to have the mind of Christ, then perhaps I can begin to explore what it is to live with strength, vitality, joy, love.

Lofty goals? Or attainable realities?

You decide.

truth

There is truth. There are lies. Sometimes I wonder how to tell the difference. Sometimes I wonder which things I accept as truth are lies in disguise.

Lately, I am struggling because I want to lay hold of something concrete in my mind. I want the answers. I’m sick of sitting with questions. I realize that I will never have it all figured out, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting that. I realize that once a human being makes up his mind about something, it becomes increasingly difficult to believe anything else. We read and watch and listen and look for proof that our own beliefs are the correct ones.

I want my mind to remain open to new ideas, yet I want stability of thought. I want to anchor myself in unalienable truths, to wrap myself in the comfort of absolutes. I want to see my world and touch it and feel that it is really there, that it won’t change on me once I turn away. But life doesn’t work like that.

Relationships change.
Presidents change.
Laws change.
Seasons change.
Diapers change.
I change.
You change.
God doesn’t change.

That last part seems a little out of sync, doesn’t it? But the bible says it and I believe it. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

I have been told to seek truth in the bible and I believe it lies there. God passed his story down to us and I keep looking to his story to try to understand life. Where I get murky is when I find it necessary to interpret what God is saying through the bible. Because it seems to me that there are a myriad of angles to this story. I am afraid I’ll see what I want to see, that my eyes will cloud over the truth in my efforts to maintain my secure structure of beliefs.

So I find it hard to land.

I find myself balancing between fluidity and fixedness. I am trying to embrace openness to new perspectives, ideas and truths while also grounding myself in promises and commandments, liberties and laws, proverbs and psalms. My roots are sinking deeper and my limbs are stretching higher...
at least, I hope so.

tulips

I’ve been noticing evidence of spring outside.

Like many other people, spring is my favorite season. Spring breathes life into things that you thought were dead. The sleeping seed buried within the earth awakens and produces something beautiful and unquestionably, alive.

We have new neighbors again this year. The house to my left has seen a number of residents in my tenure. But these are the first occupants of the home to notice the bright yellow tulips that grow along the west side of the house. There are no other flowers on the property. Most people living there never notice them because they usually don’t bloom. But my new neighbors are different. As the first days of spring stretched on, I heard them talking excitedly about the plant growing by the deck. Then I saw them watering it, day after day. My neighbors give the flowers their love and attention. And the flowers bloom.

They are beautiful.

Sometimes it feels as though certain parts of me are dead. Pieces within me that once belonged somewhere and made up the person that is me are now seemingly invisible. But, I think the pieces are still there, just like the seed of the tulip is still there even when you cannot see its blooms. I think perhaps the parts of me that I cannot see right now are lying dormant, waiting for the sun to awaken them, waiting for the breath of life to call them forth from the confines of the darkened earth.

shrapnel

Dallas Willard discusses the "gospel of sin management" in his book, The Divine Conspiracy, and several other authors share similar views on the subject. To summarize, they are saying we Christians tend to spend a lot of time trying not to sin, and I believe this is true, we do. By our own hand I believe we have largely defined Christianity as a religion focused on following the rules and avoiding sin.

So, what is the difference between a person who has decided to invite God into his life through Christ and is trying to follow the rules and be a good person, and someone who has no interest in relationship with God, but is still trying to be a good person and having some measure of success at this way of life? Both of these people will continue to do some bad things, maybe even a lot of bad things, over the course of their lives. Both will do good things as well.

To attempt to answer this question, let me tell you about a movie Thane and I recently watched, Ironman. In this movie the main character is, ironically, injured by one of his own missiles and the shrapnel lodges itself within his body. This deadly shrapnel is attracted to the source of his vitality and life force, his heart. Without aid the shrapnel will slowly work its way into his heart, eventually killing him. But fortunately for our character, a noble doctor crosses his path and installs a crude magnetic device in his chest to repel the shrapnel, thereby preventing the deadly metal shards from piercing his heart. Because our beloved main character is a genius, he makes dramatic improvements upon the crude magnetic device of the doctor’s design ultimately creating a circular magnetized structure that he will forever wear in his chest. It is in this way that Ironman is born and retains his life.

God keeps me alive just as this magnetic device keeps the Ironman alive. God is a protective force that dwells within my being, repelling the deadly shrapnel of sin and death. Without him my heart would eventually be penetrated by the poisonous shrapnel and I would progress down a path that leads to death. But with God, I live.

So, while outwardly all of us who follow Christ may appear to be very much like anyone else, if you open our shirts and look at our hearts, you will see the glow of life provided by God’s life-giving protective force, keeping the shrapnel of sin and death from penetrating our souls.