slavery

Last week I was talking with God about my hopes, my dreams. I was energized throughout our conversation, finally starting to believe that maybe wispy dreams could be transformed into concrete reality. And as I was dreaming with him I was also asking him to keep me humble, to keep me real. I very much want to change things, but not for the wrong reasons. I would love to say that my desire to make the world a better place comes only from a pure need to help people. That’s not entirely true though. There is a part of me that desires recognition. That desire for success, that mental plaque that proclaims that I am worthwhile and touts my success as proof of my worth, is a dangerous trap. And it could corrupt everything.

When Dr. Bob spoke at New Community last week, I got that eerie sense that God was saying something to me, personally, through his message. DB reminded us that the greatest among us must be least. He asked us to read John 13, proclaiming that God is raising an army of foot washers. He said we need to be clamoring to stand under one another, not over one another. He regarded the most liberating thing in the world as nothing more than enlisting as a slave in the kingdom of Christ.

God was speaking to me about that desire I have to be great. He was saying that if I truly want to accomplish his vision, if I want to be part of his revolution to transform lives, I’m going to have to enlist as a slave. The role of slave isn’t exactly a role I covet.

Why is it difficult to accept the position of a slave?

I imagine the way slaves are treated. They aren’t regarded highly. Their opinions are not valued. They are given the last share of everything. Slaves are regarded as property, free to be beaten if their master desires or traded in for a newer version. People hold conversations while a slave is in the room and that slave, that person, isn’t even acknowledged. It’s like they aren’t even there. They are invisible.

Life as a slave seems like the worst existence imaginable.

But Paul says, Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? Rom 6:16
Dr. Bob says that we will never be more than slaves, we will either be slaves to self or slaves to Christ.
And Jesus says, Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. John 13:14

Then, this morning God asked me a question: “What do you think it looks like to be a slave in my kingdom?”

So, I don’t know? Maybe…
To be a slave is to be free.
To be under is to be exalted.
To be last is to be chosen.
To be invisible is to be loved.

here

“…what is sought is, and has always been, right here all along. ‘It,’ in other words, is never somewhere else.” Lawrence Kushner, God was in this Place & I, I did not know

Have you ever thought you couldn’t find something, only to discover that it was always within your grasp, you just weren’t aware of it? Kind of like thinking you misplaced your car keys. You’re searching frantically all over the living room, overturning seat cushions and scanning the carpeted floor for evidence of metallic objects when you decide you better double check your purse, where you usually keep your keys. You looked there once, but you’re in a hurry and it is possible that you just didn’t see them…

Have you ever sat with a child looking for hidden objects within a picture? Your eyes search and scan every inch of the page, and when you finally come across that coveted hidden treasure, it becomes the only thing your eyes can see among numbers of other insignificant objects on the page.

Or when you’re presented with a riddle and you just can’t seem to crack it. You look at the words, the wheels of your mind cranking, trying to look at it from every angle and then the answer comes to you… and it seems so obvious that you wonder how you could have missed it at all.

This is how I feel now. It seems in answer to years of searching for the presence of God, my answer is simply that his presence was here all along. It seems I do not need to go anywhere to find it. Apparently, there is no need to conjure up any type of mystical experience, holy feeling or moment of epiphany. It seems that God is present and available in every moment and in every place. There are a number of Scriptures verifying this truth, and I regularly encounter beautiful people who reinforce this reality.

I simply refused to acknowledge this reality as true.

I am choosing to shift my concept of reality. I am choosing to acknowledge that God is here, whether I can tell that he is here or not. I am trying to become aware of his presence. In essence, I am practicing the presence of God.

“When you look closely and for a long time, you discover things that are invisible to others. Most people make the mistake of trying to ‘look deeper’ when all they need is to pay attention to the obvious.” Lawrence Kushner, God was in this Place & I, I did not know

“The trick is to pay attention to what is going on around you long enough to behold the miracle without falling asleep. There is another world, right here within this one, whenever we pay attention.” Lawrence Kushner, God was in this Place & I, I did not know

God was in this place

Mary Magdalene is crying her eyes out and Jesus asks her who she is seeking… she doesn’t even realize it’s him…..and then he speaks to her, but she thinks he is the gardener…

John 20:15 Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” She, supposing Him to be the gardener, said to Him, “Sir, if You have carried Him away, tell me where You have laid Him, and I will take Him away.”

Two men are traveling together toward a village… they are talking, trying to figure out what is happening… the body of Jesus is no longer in the tomb and the women are saying they have seen angels… and these men mourn because they thought Jesus would redeem Israel… and they are telling all of this to a stranger who met them on the road, only that stranger is really Jesus and they don’t even realize it…

Luke 24:15-16 So it was, while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus Himself drew near and went with them. But their eyes were restrained, so that they did not know Him.

God is all around us and sometimes we think he’s just a gardener, tending the earth.
But sometimes in hindsight we recognize that he was here…

Luke 24:30-32 Now it came to pass, as He sat at the table with them, that He took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they knew Him; and He vanished from their sight. And they said to one another, “Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?”

But what if God is always here? What if his presence continually lingers with us, manifested even in the breath of created beings? Is some part of God in every inhale, every exhale?

“The holy of holies was so sacred that, according to Rabbinic tradition, only the High Priest could enter, and even he could only do so on Yom Kippur… Once inside the holy of holies, he had to do only one thing. And he had prepared to do this for months. He would utter the Shaym HaMeforash, the ineffable four-letter Name of God. Yod, Hey, Vav, Hey. It is a name made from the three letters of the Hebrew alphabet that function primarily as vowels. How do you pronounce all the vowel sounds at once? The reason that God’s name is unpronounceable is because the Name of Being is the sound of breathing. The High Priest went into the innermost sanctuary and simply breathed.” Lawrence Kushner, God was in this Place & I, i did not know

What if you and me and every single person in the world are uttering the name of God simply by breathing?

If so, then truly…
God was in this place and I, i did not know. ~Gen. 28:16

dive in

diving into the coolness that is You,
for a moment my fingertips meet the edge,
where You begin
and i begin to end.
and yet there is no beginning to You,
You have always been,
though how You came to be,
remains a mystery.
unanswered questions surround You.
You tell me to lose myself
and i’ll find myself where You are.
not a girl with a plastic face,
not a God with an iron heart,
but who i really am
and who You really are.
diving in,
into the bottomless pool that is You,
my arms propel me deeper
and the water draws me down
deeper and
i think i’ll find the bottom,
surely i must be getting close,
and then another bend,
an open corridor,
waiting for my footsteps
to shatter the silence.
so i explore the depths
and i see…
my little girl coming home,
a smile lights her face
and tears sparkle in her eyes.
she met You
at a cross,
on a zip line,
in the giggling conversations
and the quiet moments of little girls.
and we dive in,
into the depths of You.
and i see…
my tender-hearted warrior
who thought he was just treading water,
diving deeper
finding new paths waiting to be trodden.
and he pulls himself deeper
reaching,
shining a light in the darkness,
where love looks brighter
against the contrast of darkened quarters,
desperate alleyways
and sinking sand.
it is there You called us,
inviting us
to carry your treasure
and set the captives free.
and we dive in,
into the bottomless pool
that is
You.

maze

I feel like I’m stuck in Your maze right now. I’m looking for the way out, but I keep finding dead ends. So I turn around and go back the way I came and look for another corridor, hoping to find the neon exit sign. I spot a passage that leads somewhere new, so I start walking but pretty soon I see that it’s just an illusion ending in a mirror reflecting my own image at me. It’s not really a passageway at all, just a dead end in disguise.

I take a look at myself in the mirror. I’ve seen this before, it’s just my image staring back at me. But there is something there nudging me, encouraging me to probe deeper, to look closer. Maybe the answer is there after all. Is the answer in self-reflection? Or do I think too much? Do I analyze and dissect the why’s and how’s of my behavior until my mind is too exhausted to find You? Maybe I need to find the mirror that reflects You.

You’ve got to be the way out, that’s all I can figure.

I know You are here in this maze. One of these passageways must lead to where You are. Or maybe they all do. Maybe I’m just missing You. Maybe You’re standing there and I breeze right by, absorbed in my own thoughts. Find me in the maze, Abba. I’m directionally challenged and unsure of the way.

So I’m stuck in this maze, but I’m not really stuck. I guess I’m growing in here. I must be learning something as I explore all these corridors.

I like to be an idealist, the dreamer I think everyone must love. The idealist sees how things could be and believes it is possible to transform reality. The idealist would have no problem with this maze. She would see beyond the maze, she would make a detour and escape it easily. But I’m not her right now, I’m the realist. A realist thinks practically, she methodically solves problems, her feet are firmly planted on the ground. The realist finds difficulty dreaming big dreams and talking about how things could be. She sees things how they are, right now. That’s her focus.

I don’t like being a realist. It’s my burlap sack, as Kristin would put it. It’s itchy and uncomfortable and I don’t want to wear it. But that’s where I am right now. The idealist soars above the maze, but the realist must find the way out.

Job 28:12 But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding?