hurt

What do you do when you get hurt?

I don’t like getting hurt. When I get hurt, I recoil. The urge to run away is strong. And after I run, I build a fortress. Brick by brick I build a wall around my heart as a defense against pain. That’s my tendency.

Pain just hurts. I don’t like it. But as much as I try to escape it, pain finds me eventually. Pain finds us all, eventually.

Recently, I experienced an argument with someone I love. Words were said and some of those words hurt. In the middle of the conflict, I just left. I took a walk, and I talked with God as I walked. I escaped the situation. I don’t know if that was the best way to approach it, but I know it diffused my frustration and it helped me step away from the conflict and engage with God. I have experienced anger often enough to know that things I say in anger have a lasting impact, an impact that can be very damaging to the person and the relationship. I don’t want to hurt the people I love.

Later, as I bathed my youngest daughter I reflected on the conflict. God tends to choose these times of quiet reflection to gently nudge me. I sensed him asking me a question. “What will you do with the hurt?”

I thought about that. I want to add another brick to my fortress. I want to escape the pain. But I know there is a better way, it’s just… harder.

Mark Beeson says “hurt people hurt people.” And he’s right. We do. I do. I hurt people. If every person I am in relationship with runs away from me after I hurt them, I am going to be left alone. If I run away from every person who hurts me, eventually I’ll end up… alone.

So somehow, I’ve got to put it behind me. Somehow I need to resist the impulse to stack a brick on my wall. If I want to further this relationship and develop it and nurture it and see it grow, I can’t lock my heart away behind a prison of bricks. I need to knock down my wall. That’s hard to do. And I’m not sure I know how yet…

Prov. 4:23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.