plastic

I am reupholstering chair cushions.

The first one turned out pretty well, aside from some bits of bunched up fabric and uneven staples. In an attempt to safeguard my new fabric, I prepared to administer a protective liquid barrier. But as I stood poised with stain repellant spray in hand, I discovered my newly upholstered cushion already has a stain! A tiny almost indiscriminate green mark mars the fabric now. A fleeting thought in favor of covering these cushions with plastic bolted through my mind… I imagined my family eating dinner amidst the sounds of crunching plastic… and thought, no way. I’m not going that far.

I just don’t like furniture in plastic. It seems out of place in a home, like it belongs in a store. Now I know that plastic keeps your piece looking new and unstained, but I don’t find it worth the sacrifice. As I contemplated this, another thought occurred to me. My cushions aren’t the only things I’m tempted to wrap in protective plastic.

I think I want to conceal myself in plastic too.

Instead of allowing my messiness to be seen, sometimes I opt for a false covering, a veil that shelters and protects, but diminishes beauty. It seems to achieve the desired effect, it seems to protect me from the stains of messy relationships and the spills of a life lived outside of plastic.

I’m so afraid that everyone will see the stains that are so obvious to me. I know where these marks came from and I know the imprint they left on me. I see the wreckage of broken relationships in my past, like a tear in the fabric of my life. The tear mends but the fabric is never quite whole again. I imagine that everyone must be able to see these imperfections, these flaws that are so obvious to me. And I’m afraid I’ll be discarded as a wasted piece of furniture.

But… I don’t want to hide behind plastic. It’s suffocating. And though I battle the urge to hide, love is penetrating my synthetic walls.

Gen. 3:6-10 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.”